you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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