You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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