I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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