It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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