I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
