the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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