well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
