So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
