Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This girl is more easily done than said...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
