I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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