Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
