My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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