Sry I called you an 8
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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