dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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