no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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