I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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