and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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