So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
