He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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