I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
