how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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