She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
