I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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