i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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