So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
