Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
