No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
