That's intense
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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