i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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