p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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