Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize