and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
