Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
