the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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