i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
