just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
