i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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