i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dear god my vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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