Don't make out with my wife yet
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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