dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
