and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
