fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
