can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need water and some morals
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
