I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
