i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
