i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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