if i can run in heels then i can drive
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
