How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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