His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
