so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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