I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
