your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
