Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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