Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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