just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize