Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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