Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You pole danced in your parka.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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