I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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