can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
