Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
