put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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