i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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