somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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