he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
